Babys on the Brain

So today is another non goal list topic-sorry!  Ok so Kevin and I call the days were you hear a song, or you see pictures or whatever that remind you of kids, and your wanting of kids-Baby on the Brain days. He seems to only have this for an hour or so and usually triggered by music-i usually have it for most of the day. I am not sure what exactly triggers mine-but none the less today is baby on the brain for me.  Those days suck in my mind. I usually get so anxious about why i believe i cant have a baby or concieve. Then I end up googleing plus size pregnant and i see all the warning signs and everything.  I really think my anxiety for doing one of the goals ( cant remember the number) about calling and making an appointment with a reproductive endocrinoligst is because I am so affraid of being turned down for services because of my weight. As I have stated before my weight causes me alot of stress and anxiety.  I really want to have children and have a family. Sometimes I say to my self, " Is it really worth it." And with that I mean-is it worth it for me to go throuh all this stress and anxiety just to bring a life into the world. It is hard-i have a negetive view on people who judge me by my weight-and usually doctors are the ones who cause me the most anxiety. I dont even want to call and schedule genetic testing like my endo said I should do. I am scared at the my chance of passing this all on to a child. I know how hard it was with my parents when I was born-and Im not sure that I want a kid that has to suffer with this illness.  Another thing about starting out fertility is I am really scarred at the weight I will gain.  I am currently at one of my higher weights, wich really irritats me. I know Kevin wants kids-I have been told by a few people that I'm not getting any younger-boy do i ever know that! I will be 30 in august-thats a whole different topic for a different day.  So along with the weight issues, If i were to get pregnant I think I would be happy but petrofied at the same time to tell my parents. I would be scarred because of the money issue and of caurse the weight issues. I guess I just really scared of each aspect of haveing a kid.  I really dont know any one in my specific place and alot of times I really feel alone. I feel alone on the baby front and on the weight front. I hate to talk again about weight, but it really irritates me. People will say-oh just do this or that more-Soo much more easier said than done. I even really feel alone on these topics within my marriage. Kevin knows my concerns-but he seems very non shalont (sp) about it. 

So on to other things. Tonight I am eating a new food again! woohoo!! They are called Larabar. It is a vegan unprocessed bar of fruit and nuts-I chose cinnamon roll-pretty good-not that great to use it as a granola bar everyday-but good enough for once in a while. It is 210cal, of wich 100 are fat cals-mostly from the nuts.Has some fiber-4g, but in my opinion a lot of sugar, but it is all fructos (sugar from fruit). The texture of the bar is slightly strange-it is like eating raisons-squishy like.  Ok so on to my picture of the day. This time again it comes from a picture I took a year ago on my SLR.  Also today I am happy that we were able to move our couches back in place last night! yeah!  I am thankful for being able to look at my faults in like and work on correcting them!   

Hmm the thoughts in my head!

So tonight i will not only share about my reaching/working on of goals but some other things on my mind pertaining to my faith and other things alon that line!  So I finished reading a book called Girl Meets God by Lauren F. Winner. It is hard for me to discribe the book, but the premise is a college age women who grew up jewish, converted to orthodox judaism, and then converts to christianity. The book takes you through a year in her life pretty much during her conversion to christianity. It is a really good read in my opinion.  So that brings me to my off goal list topic for tonight.  I have been stumbling with Christ lately-my fleshly wants have totally been taking over-wich is sin and I know it. I just really have a hard time getting back in the groove with Him and I guess i need to work on it. Kevin doesnt believe so that makes it hard. I really dont have him to turn to to pray with me or study the bible with.  But also even though I have strayed from Christ, I do hear his callings on my heart and my selfish flesh kicks me in the butt for what I am being called to do. I feel I am being called to follow 1 Cor 11:1-16.  Wich pretty much says that women are to wear a head covering when they pray or proficy. So this means church and private prayer time. The reason i feel my flesh is kickin my butt is because I am very nervous to do this even though Christ will be there with me. I would be the only one in church with a head covering, and I am sure I will be embarriesed. I need to pray this over more- but I am putting it in Christs hands-His will be done.    Ok so off of todays topic of faith, I have decided that for every goal I complete I can (but dont have to) add a new goal.  So today I am adding goal #102 Try 5 new foods. Ok so i guess i kinda cheated cause I tryed a new food today! yeah! I have been wanting for a while to try greek yogurt, I love the good ol american yogurt, I even love the austrailian creamy yogurt, but i do not think I like greek yogurt.  I had decided spure of the moment to go to sendiks by us-we really didnt need food, but i havent been to one, so i thought id check it out. First off-this store rocks! The items seem pricey though-so if we do shop there it will end up being for stuff i cant get at a regular store-like my Austrailian yogurt! :) So my goal is to check out all the organic stuff - and oh man do they have lots!  I was so tempted to buy some organic counter cleaner for $7, but then said to myself that my homemade vinager/water combo seems to work great.  So then I checked out the dairy case and was surprised and excited to see some non american yogurts-like the stuff you can find at a nutrishional store. I was so happy! so i bought two greek yogurts, one strawberry and one pineapple. I ate the pineapple tonight.  The best way to discribe it is like texture wise a mix between creamed cream cheese and sour cream.  It is a little sourer than the american yogurt, but the texture really through me for a loop.  The really good thing that this 6oz, 160 cal cup of yogurt has like 12g of protein-that is alot for a yogurt!  I may just get more of this kind of yogurt  because of the protein and just deal with the texture!  So greek yogurt at sendiks was $1.70 for the money pinchers, and my ultimate yogurt treat was $1.06 per cup. (wallaby is the brand of australian yogurt I love :) )    Ok so onto other goals, my picture of the day is a little wonky!!  I took a pic of my new shoes!  Now anyone that knows me knows that I am always wearing tennis shoes unless I have to dress up!  SO lately I have really been trying hard to find and inbetween shoe for my weird sized feet.  My feet are wide and tall if that makes sence!  I found these naturalizers the other day and LOVE them. They look great with jeans-wich is perfect since that is the other only thing i wear!!  Now just to find them in brown...hmmm...gotta hunt em down!!   Ok so tonights thankful item are the abilty to spend a day in a good book.  Ok photos to follow! Good night!    

Just another day in my life!

So today was surpriseingly good-yeah!! I saw the endo, didnt have to deal with any "your to fat, you need to loose weight" bullshit. I got the fastest blood draw EVER! For me that is a total struggle. I have inherited deep viens and also had cut downs as akid, so that all makes it doubly hard to find a vein.  Well this guy has drawn blood from me before-even remembers me from the last time! well today he tryed one spot then went to the one that he drew from last time-the wrist. I dont really like getting it drawn from the wrist cuz it hurts, but i will do whatever they need to so i can get out of there before an hour has elapsed!  The only not so good news is that my BP was high for me, and just in general. I am normally 110/70 or close to that. Today i was 140/70, wich i am pretty sure was do to anxiety. The dentist checked my bp last week at my appointment and it was in my normal range.  The other possible bad news is that I could have celiac disease.  If the blood test comes back possative then i could have to go to get an endoscopy done.  The reason the endo thinks that i might have it is because my bone density tests have been coming back really good the last two years, but my vitamin d level has not been improving like she hopes it to. We will see, I will put it in God's hands.  On other news, Kevin has started to put the baseboards up in the family room, wich means still no couch in there.  I cant wait until he finishes enough of the baseboards to move the couches back in.  So todays picture is a really cute on of my cats.  Kevin and I went camping last summer and we took the cats along. I also took my SLR along-man do i love that canon!  Anyhow, i recently got those rolls of film developed and saw an awesome picture of Allen, our boy cat.  Today I am thankful for fast blood draws and friendly doctor visits!!

Ugh-i am sucking at this daily blogging!!

Ok so today i realize i skipped a day or so of blogging!  Well I have been busy lately so that is my excuse! We had a family birthday on thursday night, friend over for tacos on friday, coworkers to dine with on saturday, and a simon family birthday dinner to go to on sunday-oh and early church on sunday! We were one busy couple!  So today I got to work on goal #78 - Bona the dang wood floor.  Ok the reason i hate to shine my wood floor with bona products is because to really clean then shine the floor we have to take everything out of the room-couches included!  We just dont move the tv stand with all the books and stuff in it, it would be to heavy to move.  The bona doesnt seem to make it great because we are totally rugged with our wood floor. The wood is just beyond out entrance door so it collects all this grit and grime and salt.  I must say it is better than it was-the floor that is!  Also yesterday I worked on # 92 - Go to five new restaraunts. Kevin's family was having a birthday dinner for hss grandma and grandpa-they both have birthdays in febuary.  We all gathered and ate at Fox & Hounds by Holy Hill. The food was great. I had a half duck, and Kevin had a steak.   So also today include the normal pic of the day wich is from my backyard.  We recently had a bit of snow and the branches of the trees looked really beautiful.  So today I am thankfull for extended family-they actually are pretty cool. Even extended family of your spouse. I am also thankful for my husband. He does so much for me -even the little unrecognized things.  I am also thankful for teaching books. Spacifically a book I am reading about a girls journey towards Godlyness. It reminds me of how I was as a christian and how I have become. I want to be that new christian with his whole heart and soul and body with Christ-instead of where I am today, putting Christ on a shelf for when I need him.   Ok so todays and yesterday pic o the day are a self portrait of Kevin and I, as well as a picture of the beautiful trees I was talking about! Also a pic of Kevin Bonaing the floor in the family room to prove we did it!!  So today I have also been feeling slightly moody. Last week I had a bad week and i just don understand why it had to turn so hostile. But this week I have my check up with my endo, and I am going alone this time.  I have recently gained about ten pounds that i lost over the last year or so.  I know this doctors routine pretty well from the 10+ years I have seen her.  Her main concern is my weight-have I gained? Have I lost?  I am always  so anxious about the appoinment. She knows I struggle with my weight and with weight loss, but still she is just so concerned with my weight.  She is concered with weight, but at the same time extremely slow at suggesting medication for weight loss. I wish she would just dispense the meds or shut up.  Every person is different, different weight at wich they are still healthy ect.  If she would look at my old charts she would see that i had a hard time as a kid loosing weight.  It is especially hard for me because I am constantly struggling with my weight and with thoughts about how my weight is so bad, and how I wish I was so and so because they are skinny. I have a bad self image and her herassing me about weight does not work.  Sorry bout the rant-I am just really anxious about tommorow.  Ok so here are the pics!

Day late and a dollar short!

Ok so i know i did not post yesterday-woops! i guess i got caught up in all the excitement of taco nite!hehe!!  So yesterday and today are the same old same old! The items I am thankful/happy about are - 1. I am happy that i have clean sheets on my bed. It feels so good to get into a bed that was recently made with clean sheets.  The other item I am thankful for are lifes little surprises! Today we went out with a coworker and wife of hubby. Had a great dinner and went to a movie. So the guy had bought flowers for his wife and me! it was so nice! It was just a general boquet with carnations and daisy type flowers-but it was so nice to receive!  Ok so todays Pic o the day is of me! yeah I know, you wont see many pics of me since i am the photo taker in this house!  The other photo is of the iceicle on the outside of the condo. 

Just another day!

So today started and ended pretty well. I woke up quite early and decided it would be great to see the sun rise. It was beautiful.  I also got to see the sunset-though not as good. I got to see it as we drove to my sisters birthday party-wich actually turned out pretty good.  So tonights picture is of my kitty Kaylee. She is leash trained-and i have been working with her to get her to walk with me-she did great today! she walked a little more than a quarter mile.  I am hoping to get her up to one mile. She is funny when she doesnt want to walk-she will pretend she is the biggest rock and not move at all!  There were a few times during the walk that she bucked the walking, but overall she did great after not walking with me for quit some time! The picture is of her taking a break on a pile of snow on the side of the road.   Today I am thankfull for the beautiful sun and all its warmth! It was so nice to see it shineing away! 

Wow I accomplished lots today!!

So i did actually accomplish more goals than just the photo a day and the thankful item.  I made kitty treats and i also bought a julia child book. I am changing #79 to read make all recipies from "The French Chef Cookbook" by Julia Child.  I couldnt find the book I wanted at either half price books or Barnes & Noble.  So i got the one i did find at BN that wasnt $50! Also as I said I did #75 make homemade treats for Kaylee & Allen.  Well the recipie I found was quite easy, my cats even liked the batter, but of course they wont touch the finished treat. I think if i blend it with their normal food they should eat it so it wont go to waste.  Ok so todays #53 is my dinner! lol! I was pretty proud of myself tonight! Tonight was the second time I have made gluten free fried chicken!! Yummo!! I also thawed a veggie mix. Todays item I am thankful for is true friends. Friends that are their when you just need to talk and them to listen. Friends that support you when nobody else does.  So enjoy the following pictures! I am sure you can figure out what is what!