I did IT!

So today I totally feel like it is another ho hum kinda day.  Yesterday and totay i feel as though i have a blog writein block-hmm. Nothing to rant or rave about today.  Those that have been following the blog should be happy for me! I got the guts and decided to make the appointment - Yeah!! So I will be seeing this lady at the end of the month-now i just gotta work on the list of questions to ask her! Also I did finish goal #1 for this month-well at least i shot the roll. Took it to walgreens, but had no customer service-i waited for 10 minutes then left. Going to try again tommorow-but at the same time kinda wanna try a better photo center.  I will scan and post on my flickr account when I get the photos back.  I also finished book #2 of 100 yesterday. The book was called Fireproof, Novelized by Eric Wilson. I gotta say I was somewhat bummed with the book. I saw the movie before reading the book, so as I read the book I was remembering different scenes from the movie.  The book follows the exact same layout as the movie. The book did come after the movie so that makes sence i guess.  It is a good book though-about marriage and about never leaving your partner in a fire.  Read the book or watch the movie-either way it is a good story told!  Last nite I started book #3, Find Me by Rosie Odonnell. I gotta say it is really jumpy-i like the basis of the story but the 20 or so pages read are really jumpy.   Ok so yesterdays pic o the day is of my lilac bushes that are currently in pots in my basement. We got them last year and have left them in pots cause i wanna transport them to our next plac-where ever & when ever that is! so we had them in the garage for a while-then moved em to the basement when it got real cold out. Anyhow-they must think it is spring or something! There are tons of green buds on the plant.  Todays Picture of the day is of my hubby cooking in the kitchen.  Today I am thankful that I got the guts to call the doc, and that I have a loveing husband who cooks for me when I dont feel like cooking! 

Its a ho Hum kinda day

So after yeasterdays rollercoaster of emotions, today has been a more stay at home and chill day.  I really slept in late today-kinda woke up in a grumpy mood. So today we had planned that we were going to go to a hard ware store for a basement light and to goodwill to donate some clothes and for me to shop. I relized that I really like shopping. I have shopped in previous years as a way to relax. Now mind you, I usually partake in window shopping and really dont buy much of anything. The last few years since I have been married I havent done as much shopping because money is tight.  So since we have been married i like to shop at goodwill for clothes and stuff. Yes the clothes are used, but still wearable.  And Kevin is totally ok with spending the Goodwill price compared to full price at a retail store.  So today I came home with four shirts for spring and three books, all for $20 bucks.  So then after we did that we went to hardware store-man do i hate going to them with my husband-ugh!! He seems to take forever in them. Other than those things I have pretty much been chilling at home. I started my herb garden seeds-yes i copied somebody-you know who you are.  So this week I hope to work on #1 shoot and develop a rol on SLR. I am partially done with this. I havent shot the whole roll yet. Thinking about going to a park or something and takeing pictures this week. Any ideas for places to go?? I also plan to work on #14. Today I researched what doctors were where. I prefer females so really out of two locale large hospitals there was only one female doc. And lo and behold she was also allowed on my insurance plan-so i will be calling the center for a consult appointment.  I want to start working on #17 starting tommorow. #17 is no soda for a month-this one will be hard. I have totally downsized the smount of soda that I used to drink, but it is nice to have a soda once in a while. Especially since we arent drinkers, so it is nice to have something other than water when i gather with friends.  I also really need to start working on #18 soon-and this week would be perfect! I am making a book for someones anniversary-no it isnt mine but cant name names incase they read the blog!  So gotta get cracking on that one!  Of course i will continue to work on #22-one pic a day for a year. I really want to work on #32, but i keep forgetting! I have a post it pad and a pen in my bag for this very reason! Lets hope the forgetting ends!! There are probably some other ones that i may work on this week, but those 6 should keep me busy!!  So todays Pic o the Day is of the stuff i bought at goodwill! I know-not that cool!  So today I am thankful for cheap books at goodwill and super bright lights in the basement!!

A post relateing to babys on the brain somewhat and jealousy

Ok so I dont exactly know what to title this blog.  Recently as stated i have had a bought of Babys on the brain (or botb for short). Botb comes and goes-sometimes certain things trigger it, sometimes I dont know what triggers it.  Well tonight we went to our good friends hose for a get together. At first I was gonna write how I totally feel out of place at these types of shingdigs because I really don relate to the wifes of the men that Kevin grew up with as friends and still are friends with. Hopefully that made sence.  But now I am gonna talk about botb.  So we go to their house, and we brought food over and everything was going really good.  Then while everyone is eating they announce that their having a baby-I congratulate them.  Dont get me wrong-I am very happy for them, they deserve it as much as anyone does.  But then I have to think about this topic in my head and keep quiet my comments like, "That's not fair, their younger than us" or "Thats not fair, they have only been married barley two years" It is so selfish of myself to think this, but I do.  I know the world is not fair-no need to inform me.  I guess I am at an age, that even though my hormones dont work the way they are supposed to, so motherly instinct is front and forward in my brain, gotta have kids, gotta have em now. UGH-I want kids, but it is just so unfair the work that we are going to have to put into a kid-were some couple can just do it the old fashioned way. Sorry for my rant-the Botb was a lot more in control and check before tonight, now I am just really jealous of others. Sorry friends who read this and judge-your not in our spacific shoes. 

Other than that tonight was alot of fun. We played apples to apples and then a game where you start with how ever many peices of paper as there are players, we had 10. So the owner of the paper stack writes a word or phrase, then they pass it to the left, they draw the word, the next writes what the drawing is, and this continues until it gets back to the owner. These were pretty hilarious tonight! The hilarity part was because most of the guys think as though they are still in HS.  So this week, I am gonna work on getting the guts up to work on the goal about calling the repro endo, finish reading book 2 for 100 books in 1001 days.  I plan to add a new goal to my list, I am thinking about it being for post crossing, but I am not sure.  Today, I am thankful for God, and his ability to control my extreme jeleousy tonight at a friends house.  I am also thankful for good friends, even though we dont all gather together alot.  So tonights two pictures are two of the games that we played earlier. They are what I was trying to discribe.   Sorry about the rant again, the botb really caught me off guard today. Off to sleep. Be warned-pictures are PG13 rated!!

Babys on the Brain

So today is another non goal list topic-sorry!  Ok so Kevin and I call the days were you hear a song, or you see pictures or whatever that remind you of kids, and your wanting of kids-Baby on the Brain days. He seems to only have this for an hour or so and usually triggered by music-i usually have it for most of the day. I am not sure what exactly triggers mine-but none the less today is baby on the brain for me.  Those days suck in my mind. I usually get so anxious about why i believe i cant have a baby or concieve. Then I end up googleing plus size pregnant and i see all the warning signs and everything.  I really think my anxiety for doing one of the goals ( cant remember the number) about calling and making an appointment with a reproductive endocrinoligst is because I am so affraid of being turned down for services because of my weight. As I have stated before my weight causes me alot of stress and anxiety.  I really want to have children and have a family. Sometimes I say to my self, " Is it really worth it." And with that I mean-is it worth it for me to go throuh all this stress and anxiety just to bring a life into the world. It is hard-i have a negetive view on people who judge me by my weight-and usually doctors are the ones who cause me the most anxiety. I dont even want to call and schedule genetic testing like my endo said I should do. I am scared at the my chance of passing this all on to a child. I know how hard it was with my parents when I was born-and Im not sure that I want a kid that has to suffer with this illness.  Another thing about starting out fertility is I am really scarred at the weight I will gain.  I am currently at one of my higher weights, wich really irritats me. I know Kevin wants kids-I have been told by a few people that I'm not getting any younger-boy do i ever know that! I will be 30 in august-thats a whole different topic for a different day.  So along with the weight issues, If i were to get pregnant I think I would be happy but petrofied at the same time to tell my parents. I would be scarred because of the money issue and of caurse the weight issues. I guess I just really scared of each aspect of haveing a kid.  I really dont know any one in my specific place and alot of times I really feel alone. I feel alone on the baby front and on the weight front. I hate to talk again about weight, but it really irritates me. People will say-oh just do this or that more-Soo much more easier said than done. I even really feel alone on these topics within my marriage. Kevin knows my concerns-but he seems very non shalont (sp) about it. 

So on to other things. Tonight I am eating a new food again! woohoo!! They are called Larabar. It is a vegan unprocessed bar of fruit and nuts-I chose cinnamon roll-pretty good-not that great to use it as a granola bar everyday-but good enough for once in a while. It is 210cal, of wich 100 are fat cals-mostly from the nuts.Has some fiber-4g, but in my opinion a lot of sugar, but it is all fructos (sugar from fruit). The texture of the bar is slightly strange-it is like eating raisons-squishy like.  Ok so on to my picture of the day. This time again it comes from a picture I took a year ago on my SLR.  Also today I am happy that we were able to move our couches back in place last night! yeah!  I am thankful for being able to look at my faults in like and work on correcting them!   

Hmm the thoughts in my head!

So tonight i will not only share about my reaching/working on of goals but some other things on my mind pertaining to my faith and other things alon that line!  So I finished reading a book called Girl Meets God by Lauren F. Winner. It is hard for me to discribe the book, but the premise is a college age women who grew up jewish, converted to orthodox judaism, and then converts to christianity. The book takes you through a year in her life pretty much during her conversion to christianity. It is a really good read in my opinion.  So that brings me to my off goal list topic for tonight.  I have been stumbling with Christ lately-my fleshly wants have totally been taking over-wich is sin and I know it. I just really have a hard time getting back in the groove with Him and I guess i need to work on it. Kevin doesnt believe so that makes it hard. I really dont have him to turn to to pray with me or study the bible with.  But also even though I have strayed from Christ, I do hear his callings on my heart and my selfish flesh kicks me in the butt for what I am being called to do. I feel I am being called to follow 1 Cor 11:1-16.  Wich pretty much says that women are to wear a head covering when they pray or proficy. So this means church and private prayer time. The reason i feel my flesh is kickin my butt is because I am very nervous to do this even though Christ will be there with me. I would be the only one in church with a head covering, and I am sure I will be embarriesed. I need to pray this over more- but I am putting it in Christs hands-His will be done.    Ok so off of todays topic of faith, I have decided that for every goal I complete I can (but dont have to) add a new goal.  So today I am adding goal #102 Try 5 new foods. Ok so i guess i kinda cheated cause I tryed a new food today! yeah! I have been wanting for a while to try greek yogurt, I love the good ol american yogurt, I even love the austrailian creamy yogurt, but i do not think I like greek yogurt.  I had decided spure of the moment to go to sendiks by us-we really didnt need food, but i havent been to one, so i thought id check it out. First off-this store rocks! The items seem pricey though-so if we do shop there it will end up being for stuff i cant get at a regular store-like my Austrailian yogurt! :) So my goal is to check out all the organic stuff - and oh man do they have lots!  I was so tempted to buy some organic counter cleaner for $7, but then said to myself that my homemade vinager/water combo seems to work great.  So then I checked out the dairy case and was surprised and excited to see some non american yogurts-like the stuff you can find at a nutrishional store. I was so happy! so i bought two greek yogurts, one strawberry and one pineapple. I ate the pineapple tonight.  The best way to discribe it is like texture wise a mix between creamed cream cheese and sour cream.  It is a little sourer than the american yogurt, but the texture really through me for a loop.  The really good thing that this 6oz, 160 cal cup of yogurt has like 12g of protein-that is alot for a yogurt!  I may just get more of this kind of yogurt  because of the protein and just deal with the texture!  So greek yogurt at sendiks was $1.70 for the money pinchers, and my ultimate yogurt treat was $1.06 per cup. (wallaby is the brand of australian yogurt I love :) )    Ok so onto other goals, my picture of the day is a little wonky!!  I took a pic of my new shoes!  Now anyone that knows me knows that I am always wearing tennis shoes unless I have to dress up!  SO lately I have really been trying hard to find and inbetween shoe for my weird sized feet.  My feet are wide and tall if that makes sence!  I found these naturalizers the other day and LOVE them. They look great with jeans-wich is perfect since that is the other only thing i wear!!  Now just to find them in brown...hmmm...gotta hunt em down!!   Ok so tonights thankful item are the abilty to spend a day in a good book.  Ok photos to follow! Good night!    

Just another day in my life!

So today was surpriseingly good-yeah!! I saw the endo, didnt have to deal with any "your to fat, you need to loose weight" bullshit. I got the fastest blood draw EVER! For me that is a total struggle. I have inherited deep viens and also had cut downs as akid, so that all makes it doubly hard to find a vein.  Well this guy has drawn blood from me before-even remembers me from the last time! well today he tryed one spot then went to the one that he drew from last time-the wrist. I dont really like getting it drawn from the wrist cuz it hurts, but i will do whatever they need to so i can get out of there before an hour has elapsed!  The only not so good news is that my BP was high for me, and just in general. I am normally 110/70 or close to that. Today i was 140/70, wich i am pretty sure was do to anxiety. The dentist checked my bp last week at my appointment and it was in my normal range.  The other possible bad news is that I could have celiac disease.  If the blood test comes back possative then i could have to go to get an endoscopy done.  The reason the endo thinks that i might have it is because my bone density tests have been coming back really good the last two years, but my vitamin d level has not been improving like she hopes it to. We will see, I will put it in God's hands.  On other news, Kevin has started to put the baseboards up in the family room, wich means still no couch in there.  I cant wait until he finishes enough of the baseboards to move the couches back in.  So todays picture is a really cute on of my cats.  Kevin and I went camping last summer and we took the cats along. I also took my SLR along-man do i love that canon!  Anyhow, i recently got those rolls of film developed and saw an awesome picture of Allen, our boy cat.  Today I am thankful for fast blood draws and friendly doctor visits!!

Ugh-i am sucking at this daily blogging!!

Ok so today i realize i skipped a day or so of blogging!  Well I have been busy lately so that is my excuse! We had a family birthday on thursday night, friend over for tacos on friday, coworkers to dine with on saturday, and a simon family birthday dinner to go to on sunday-oh and early church on sunday! We were one busy couple!  So today I got to work on goal #78 - Bona the dang wood floor.  Ok the reason i hate to shine my wood floor with bona products is because to really clean then shine the floor we have to take everything out of the room-couches included!  We just dont move the tv stand with all the books and stuff in it, it would be to heavy to move.  The bona doesnt seem to make it great because we are totally rugged with our wood floor. The wood is just beyond out entrance door so it collects all this grit and grime and salt.  I must say it is better than it was-the floor that is!  Also yesterday I worked on # 92 - Go to five new restaraunts. Kevin's family was having a birthday dinner for hss grandma and grandpa-they both have birthdays in febuary.  We all gathered and ate at Fox & Hounds by Holy Hill. The food was great. I had a half duck, and Kevin had a steak.   So also today include the normal pic of the day wich is from my backyard.  We recently had a bit of snow and the branches of the trees looked really beautiful.  So today I am thankfull for extended family-they actually are pretty cool. Even extended family of your spouse. I am also thankful for my husband. He does so much for me -even the little unrecognized things.  I am also thankful for teaching books. Spacifically a book I am reading about a girls journey towards Godlyness. It reminds me of how I was as a christian and how I have become. I want to be that new christian with his whole heart and soul and body with Christ-instead of where I am today, putting Christ on a shelf for when I need him.   Ok so todays and yesterday pic o the day are a self portrait of Kevin and I, as well as a picture of the beautiful trees I was talking about! Also a pic of Kevin Bonaing the floor in the family room to prove we did it!!  So today I have also been feeling slightly moody. Last week I had a bad week and i just don understand why it had to turn so hostile. But this week I have my check up with my endo, and I am going alone this time.  I have recently gained about ten pounds that i lost over the last year or so.  I know this doctors routine pretty well from the 10+ years I have seen her.  Her main concern is my weight-have I gained? Have I lost?  I am always  so anxious about the appoinment. She knows I struggle with my weight and with weight loss, but still she is just so concerned with my weight.  She is concered with weight, but at the same time extremely slow at suggesting medication for weight loss. I wish she would just dispense the meds or shut up.  Every person is different, different weight at wich they are still healthy ect.  If she would look at my old charts she would see that i had a hard time as a kid loosing weight.  It is especially hard for me because I am constantly struggling with my weight and with thoughts about how my weight is so bad, and how I wish I was so and so because they are skinny. I have a bad self image and her herassing me about weight does not work.  Sorry bout the rant-I am just really anxious about tommorow.  Ok so here are the pics!