Vlog regarding thursday thoughts and weigh in day!

Vlogs I made instead of blogs!  It is two parts, about 14 minutes total. Check it out!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSf4ygp_aWc

My day

So ok, I am more relaxed and at ease to write this whole shebang down about what happened today.  To start off I have been SOO nervous of the doctor saying, well we cant do anything in your situation, or you need to loose X before we can treat you.  Well needles to say, neither happened-thank God. I was figureing it would be pricey, but not as crazy pricey as it is/was.  So upfront we had to pay 325 for a new patient consult, this was semi ok. We have an HSA, so insurance adjusts how much we have to pay, then we pay the balnce on our HSA debit card thingy.  All was ok at this point, then we were given an outline of costs, now generaly our insurance covered testing, and some consult fees, but no treatment fees were covered at all. It is that was with most of wisconsin patients apperantly.  Ok, so the low down on fees are this: Male testing required fees before insurance coverage is like $600 bucks, that is covered. The female tests would be like $2400 bucks. yeech!  So if we were to go through with it or deductable would have come and gone-fast!!  The actual prepossed treatment would be $4600 -$5100 PER MONTH!!! Seriously. My Goodness.  So um, yeah it was pretty much out of the question. The cost is IUI treatment and meds-but still seriously, oh my gosh! Even if I did have a job, and made the same amount as Kevin, we still would not be able to afford it. Jeez, you have to be a lawyer or doctor just to afford it-or government worker...
 So after we got out of the appointment I started tearing up. Why do my emotions come out at the most inappropriate times.  So by the time we were about to walk past the bathrooms, I had to dash in and try to get control of myself, wich temporarily worked. I got to my car, kissed the hubbs and started to cry in the car.  I guess in a way I didnt know why I was reacting this way, but at the same way I do. Kevin phrased it exactly right "my hopes were dashed" and that is true. It is something every couple wants-to have a child of their own flesh and blood.  Now dont get me wrong, adoption is great but it is different.  
So today I fell apart, and kinda discovered something about my self at the same time.  I never thought I was an emotional eater, but after today I seriously think I am.  This afternoon I took a drive (my way of relaxing) and picked up some water and peanut butter M&Ms. Yeah... Oh well Now I know, and I will try to have like granola bars or something on hand in my car.   so Annonymus-here it is-the blog you wanted!! :p  

So other than that, goals AGAIN have kinda been on the back burner. grr.  I still havent finished book #4, havent done anymore knitting, or anything really on my list. I need to focus on it more huh??!  But i did finish a personal goal yesterday. It was not one of my 101 in 1001 goals, but a goal I have had for a while.  The goal was to walk a consecuative 3 miles. I did it!! I was super happy yesterday. Now I am gonna work up to four miles.  I "may" enter a 5k walk run thing in may or june. I am not gonna run it, id be a walker wich i am totally cool with.  I have put my c25k training on hold until I loose more weight, I havent been able to control my breathing for the run I did. I felt like I was gasping for air. But I am fine air wise when I am walking, yes I breathe a bit heavier after a mile or two, but I can still breathe full breaths!   So today, other than gorgeing on food (I also had a cheeseburger at MCD) I also did not get any excersize in. But I will tomorow, hopefully it isnt as cold as it is today.brr.  Good night!!
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I am thankful that I able to recognize and admit when I have failed myself! 

S a w e e t!!

So, today I did it!! Yes indeedy do! I finally did a 3 miler!! All in one trip to!  My feet were pretty tired afterwards. I got another blister, and of course i popped it. Dumb me. So my foot is stingy feeling when i walk.  I have it gaused and taped up, so we will see how it is tommorow.  So the food plan is going pretty good, even though i have eatten out at subway a few times this week.  I have written it all down at least, wich is an accomplishment. Ok so i cant think anymore, hubby and his brother are watching ledgend of the seeker.

I can smell it... Sucess that is!!

Yeah! Ok so today I weighed in, lost two pounds this week. I think I would have lost more  had I not binged on food friday and saturday I think.  But that is ok with me, really I am so happy with the two pound loss!! yeah!!  Also I started training for my 5k.  I am following the C25k program (couch to 5k). It was created by a guy at coolrunning.com (i think).  I have the ipod touch app that gives you audable cues when you are supposed to walk or run.  Needless to say, it totally beat me today!!  My biggest problem I think is actually being able to take in more air - change my breathing pattern.  I was quite winded after like 15 or 20 seconds of running.  I am thinking depending on how this week turns out training wise, I may just repeat this weeks routines next week.  I am not sure I like running, I think partially cause I got winded easily. 

On other diet/nutrition news I plan to start me week off tracking calories and points again.  I did super good through out the week, but stunk it up when the weekend came around.  I also plan to walk for a half hour twice a day like I did last week.  I am starting to like my time either in my thoughts or listening to music when taking my walks.  Kevin even joined me on a few walks! 

I am happy that I am now watching what I eat, really I am. I am also quite impressed with my abbility to stick to it.  Normally, on a bad day like I had last week, I would have given up. This time I just said, well that day was bad but tommorow is a new day. 
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Other goals I am working on is the 100 operation beautiful post its.  I did my first one today!! woohoo!! I posted it in the womens restroom at church.  Also this week I plan to work on cleaning the house deeply-a good deep spring cleaning.  I am thinking about working on the basement as well.  I need to go through the closet cabinets in the basement and reorganize it and try to get things that we dont use out of the closet and given to GW.   Also hope to finish #4, I am still slowly reading it. I havent set much time aside just to read that book. 
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So, I decided also since i am putting my food journal out there I might as well put my weight out there. please no judgeing. This is my weight, to carry around, not yours. Thanks!

Bible Verse o The Day
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28

Thankful item o the day
Today I am thankful for God's sacrifice. He took my sins and died on the cross for me- and you!

Pics of Postcards

Pictures of postcards and canceled stamps can be found on my flickr page.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/21559896@N03/sets/72157623660805730/

My Off Day

So today originally I planned to stay on diet plan, but i ended up not.  But I am ok with that-really I am. I had didnt go to overboard though, I dont think.  Also I didnt journal my food, I might, but it might just be to depressing to see all the points spent. A run down of what I ate, hmm.  Breakfast kevin made me 5 blueberry pancakes, those were about 7 points total, I had cantalope, 1 point, linner (lunch dinner brunch thingy) was at Jimmy johns, had a ham and cheese sub. Then tonight we rented two redbox movies-both of wich sucked- and then gordged on some food. I had a diet pepsi, some goldfish, some nilla waffers, and alot of baked cheetos, so all together bunches of calories!!  I also did not get any activity in today or yesterday. Today was do to the crappy weather. 
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On other news, I received not one, not two but THREE post cards between yesterday and today!! wahoo!! I received on from Norway, Italy, and Great Brittan.  Sooo cool! It is cool to send them, but so much cooler to receive em!!  I currently have three traveling, one to russia, portugal, and Finland.  Hope they get there sometime soon. 
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Today I am thankfull for my husband, and his willingness to deal with my spur of the moment want to change my hair!!  I love him so much, I cant beleive it will be three years this may. And guess what?  I will be completing two goals around my anniversary!! wahoo!!  We are scheduleing a weekend trip to chicago to see the shedd and museum of science & industry!! I am soo excited!!!!
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Goals for this week include, going back on plan diet wise tommorow, finally-i hope-finishing book #4, working on the knitting a little more and um, i am not sure what else. Maybe do some operation beautiful posts?? If i remember my post it pad, i'll put one up in church!! hehe!!!
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Bible verses for this past week-

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Hebrews 4:12

This is His command: to believe in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as He commanded us.  1 John 3:23

Out of my funk - i think

So yeah, last night I ranted on about how I gorged on food. Well today I through my body through another loop. Yes I know. Normally I dont eat enough, well today was that. I ate a yogurt at like 10:30 then didnt eat again until 3pm.  So from three on, I have been slowly eating. It is good stuff though, but still.  So I gotta say I am happy I blogged about my breakdown yesterday, it got me kinda back on track today and forgetting about yesterday.  There is one thing I am regretting is that i havent done any physical activity today, probably wont tommorow either since it is supposed to snow.  Hopefully on sunday I can get back into a groove. But still I think I have done alot of activity earlier this week from monday through yesterday.  Other goals also are on the back burner, except i did create an etsy account!! wahoo!! The reason I wanted to do it is, I want invites made up for a cook out that we are going to have in june. I couldnt find any I liked, I set up an alchemy (they call it) or request for this type of a card. But Kevin does not want to pay 50 bucks so I am not sure, I may end up just making my own invites after all. hmm.