My day

So ok, I am more relaxed and at ease to write this whole shebang down about what happened today.  To start off I have been SOO nervous of the doctor saying, well we cant do anything in your situation, or you need to loose X before we can treat you.  Well needles to say, neither happened-thank God. I was figureing it would be pricey, but not as crazy pricey as it is/was.  So upfront we had to pay 325 for a new patient consult, this was semi ok. We have an HSA, so insurance adjusts how much we have to pay, then we pay the balnce on our HSA debit card thingy.  All was ok at this point, then we were given an outline of costs, now generaly our insurance covered testing, and some consult fees, but no treatment fees were covered at all. It is that was with most of wisconsin patients apperantly.  Ok, so the low down on fees are this: Male testing required fees before insurance coverage is like $600 bucks, that is covered. The female tests would be like $2400 bucks. yeech!  So if we were to go through with it or deductable would have come and gone-fast!!  The actual prepossed treatment would be $4600 -$5100 PER MONTH!!! Seriously. My Goodness.  So um, yeah it was pretty much out of the question. The cost is IUI treatment and meds-but still seriously, oh my gosh! Even if I did have a job, and made the same amount as Kevin, we still would not be able to afford it. Jeez, you have to be a lawyer or doctor just to afford it-or government worker...
 So after we got out of the appointment I started tearing up. Why do my emotions come out at the most inappropriate times.  So by the time we were about to walk past the bathrooms, I had to dash in and try to get control of myself, wich temporarily worked. I got to my car, kissed the hubbs and started to cry in the car.  I guess in a way I didnt know why I was reacting this way, but at the same way I do. Kevin phrased it exactly right "my hopes were dashed" and that is true. It is something every couple wants-to have a child of their own flesh and blood.  Now dont get me wrong, adoption is great but it is different.  
So today I fell apart, and kinda discovered something about my self at the same time.  I never thought I was an emotional eater, but after today I seriously think I am.  This afternoon I took a drive (my way of relaxing) and picked up some water and peanut butter M&Ms. Yeah... Oh well Now I know, and I will try to have like granola bars or something on hand in my car.   so Annonymus-here it is-the blog you wanted!! :p  

So other than that, goals AGAIN have kinda been on the back burner. grr.  I still havent finished book #4, havent done anymore knitting, or anything really on my list. I need to focus on it more huh??!  But i did finish a personal goal yesterday. It was not one of my 101 in 1001 goals, but a goal I have had for a while.  The goal was to walk a consecuative 3 miles. I did it!! I was super happy yesterday. Now I am gonna work up to four miles.  I "may" enter a 5k walk run thing in may or june. I am not gonna run it, id be a walker wich i am totally cool with.  I have put my c25k training on hold until I loose more weight, I havent been able to control my breathing for the run I did. I felt like I was gasping for air. But I am fine air wise when I am walking, yes I breathe a bit heavier after a mile or two, but I can still breathe full breaths!   So today, other than gorgeing on food (I also had a cheeseburger at MCD) I also did not get any excersize in. But I will tomorow, hopefully it isnt as cold as it is today.brr.  Good night!!
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I am thankful that I able to recognize and admit when I have failed myself!